Thursday, March 26, 2009
my life is twisted. full of irony.
not in a good or a bad way.
in a neutral sort of way.
i think of it as a drawing on a piece of paper.
we all begin, with a blank slate. every little event in our lives is an added stroke, or an added detail to this drawing. each new chapter of our lives, theres an additional drawing. what is so special about this piece of paper is that it is limitless. it is so huge, so varst, that you cant see the end of this piece of paper. and you, me, all of us, are the artists of our own pieces of paper. the drawings can look exactly the way we want them to. but it takes practice. it allows mistakes. because it is done in pencil. we can fill this piece of paper up to any extent we want it to be, with thick and thin lines, with gestural drawings, with well shaded drawings, or we can fill it minimally, such that at the end of the day, it still remains, very much, a blank slate.
what would your piece of paper look like?right at this point in time,
ive been meeting people. new people. its a great time for meeting new people.
my piece of paper has many recently added drawings, some already extremely fanciful ones on their own, some of which i am still hoping to build on into something more. on top of that, my piece of paper has many drawings that have faded away, due to age, and due to the fact that there wasnt a coat of fixative in the first place. some of these drawings have been resurrected, thankfully, while others are beyond repair. some newly added drawings are being badly erased. such that there is still a hint of a pencil mark. i left them there, perhaps, for a purpose. such that if there is ever a need, or a want, i can trace over them. and they would look almost as if they were never erased in the first place. almost. but if there were more and more drawings that need to be added, i will, one day, inevitably draw over these pencil marks. but even so, these pencil marks can never be fully removed. they are like scars on my piece of paper, etching, wedging themselves so deeply into the paper that it leaves a mark that lasts. but the drawings over my pencil marks will be beautiful. they will be so mesmerising that one day, i will be so absorbed by their beauty that i forget that there are actually pencil marks beneath them.
you know what i mean.
only two people will know exactly what or who i mean.
im in such a metaphorical mood today. i actually sound quite deep haha. not blogging about shopping or eating. this is one of those days where its so easy to write. everything just comes out, line after line, word after word.
anyway,
i dont really want to know of my admission decisions to US universities, many of which i will only know in april. because so what if i get accepted? i cant go anyway.
you know when i checked my decisions for carnegie mellon online, it went like,
1. school of the arts, major: fine art - accepted
YES!
2. school of humanities and social sciences, major: psychology - accepted
YES YES!!
3. bachelor of humanities and social sciences with focus on art program - accepted
i was really like, YES YES YES YES my dream course!! a double major in art and psychology!
but a minute later reality started to sink in. in my mind i was still coming to terms with the fact that i got into my dream course combi which only accepts 15 students a year but i could literally feel the sinking feeling in my stomach.
because i cant go.
its 80000 sg a year for god's sake. multiply it by four its the cost of a 4 room flat.
oh well.
so basically if i dont get a scholarship it doesnt make a difference whether i got accepted or not.
actually im not very sure how i got in either. it was the first application i did and the deadline was 1st dec so my common app essay was crap. just wrote one for the sake of sending it in. i rewrote it for the other apps. i think ill put my essays here one day. i kinda liked some of them while others were total crap. my favourite essay was "whats your favourite word and why?"
so basically my life is twisted.
the expected turn out to be unexpected while the unexpected turn out to be, well, unexpected.
hui jun published at 3/26/2009 11:16:00 PM
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