Friday, July 18, 2008
i think ive exhausted all my tears.
and whats left is this deep, deep sadness.
the team played so badly today.
but i have no rights to say anything about it.
because i screwed up as well.
out of 5 goals, our line let in 3.
2 of them were entirely my fault.
i know everything is supposed to be the team's fault, we let in goals as a team.
yes i know. but those goals just keep replaying over and over again in my mind.
so vivid, those mistakes.
whats worse was knowing that i was capable of stopping them.
the first goal was just a chaotic mess of ppl in the center poking their sticks at the ball and someone shot it in.
the second was purely an individual mistake.
opponent dribbled behind goal, turned and shot it in.
if only i followed her it wouldnt have happened.
the third was just quick passes and a shot. i didnt even expect the shot.
we lost it after the second goal went in. everything just went downhill from there.
and so it is.
the worst match of the season.
even audrey commented that this was the worst ive ever played.
if we played well, and lost, i wouldnt be so sad.
but we didnt.
i was trying so hard not to cry in front of coach.
i could hardly look at him.
because i was so so disappointed in myself, and in my team.
but i couldnt hold back my tears in front of my line.
went back into the court and tried very hard not to cry AGAIN. in front of the guys. lol.
they are out of top 4 already, and you can tell all their hopes are on us girls.
watching rj and yj play, i felt so sad.
that we didnt take our chances.
and there werent anymore chances to take.
that top 2 was just an inch away, and we had to screw up so badly.
i expected a draw. at least a draw.
coach even asked five players to be prepared for penalty shots at the start of the game.
almost cried again at this point.
went to study with val for a while, cause i knew i wouldnt be able to concentrate at home.
val tried so hard to comfort me but she gave up in the end haha.
so many people are asking me about our match.
im thankful that they care,
but im so ashamed to let them know about our atrocious score.
im so ashamed that our supporters had to watch us play badly.
it wasnt nj floorball at all. sigh. just let me moan and groan and cry tonight.
ive let too many people down today.
too many to be listed here.
ill pick myself up tmr.
and if today's loss has made us stronger and even more passionate about our game,
then this loss would be worth it.
if you want to comfort me,
dont tell me we played well, or i played well.
BECAUSE WE DIDNT.
we know it ourselves.
dont tell me "its okay",
because ITS NOT OKAY.
just remind me that we have another match on tuesday,
and that i do not want to be walking out and crying.
remind me how good i can actually be when i am on form -
that i can dribble pass players easily,
that i can do fantastic board passes,
that i can control the game if i want to,
that i can actually score from halfway during trainings, and not to be afraid to do it during matches.
remind me of how i CAN PLAY when i
want to.come tuesday,
our last game together,
we are going to play like true nj floorballers,
supporting, fighting, and OWNING.
WE ARE GOING TO END IT ON A HIGH.
i mean it.
and im going to
PLAY LIKE I MEAN IT.
hui jun published at 7/18/2008 07:13:00 PM
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