Wednesday, October 18, 2006
as of monday, i am no longer an njcanoeist. stop giving me those shocked looks.
i wrote this for my team. it's here for keepsake.
Dearest Njcanoeists,
I am sure many of you would have heard by now that I am quitting the team. I did not tell many of you as I wanted to tell you guys personally but I guess word somehow got around. Many of you might be shocked that I am quitting. So why am I quitting?
There are four priorities in my life: Studies, music, art and canoeing. Let’s talk about art first. At the start of the year, when we signed the contract to race for 2007, I wrote that I might not continue canoeing if I take art next year. At that point in time, I was quite certain that I would not take art next year. Things have changed.
I know many people like Victoria and Belinda are able to cope with both art and canoeing. However, I am planning to take my grade 5/6 violin exam next year. On top of that, I am planning to teach piano, having passed 3 performance diplomas and if I want to take my teaching diploma, I have to teach for at least 6 months. I have wanted to teach ever since I was secondary 2.
Mr Yong has said before, “If you want to do well in something, you have to make sacrifices”. I am sacrificing my team, and my sport.
If I am to take everything, I will have to compromise on some aspects of art, music or canoeing. I don’t want to do that.
I know what it’s like to go for camp, worrying about my theory exam on the same weekend.
I know what it’s like to sit for a music theory exam, thinking only about my dragon boat race later in the day.
I know what it’s like training, and losing focus, with my mind on my piano exam the next day, simply because my heart is not there.
Some of you might question, why don’t I sacrifice music or art for canoeing?
Music has been in my life as far as I can remember. It has been a part of my life ever since I was 2. Some of you might think that music is a waste of time. If it is so, I have wasted 14 years of my life, which is basically my whole life.
I never wanted to learnt the piano. I never had a choice. My mother forced me. I thank her for that.
That talent. It was a gift, and a curse.I spent hours on the piano. I had to practice for at least an hour every single day.My mother would sit beside me. She would scold me whenever i made a mistake, and sometimes she would scream. I was only six.But it didn’t matter, not to my mum, not to my teacher. They made me play sonatinas and sonatas. They were so difficult, so hard.Sometimes, I would cry. I would cry in frustration, as I could not master the piece. Two pairs of hands with tiny fingers running across the keyboard. I couldn’t even reach some of the notes.
The piano.
When I am stressed, I play it.
When I am depressed, I play it. When I am sad, I play it.
It makes me forget.
It is my life.
When I tell people that I have diplomas in piano performance, they would go 'waa' and give me a look of admiration. They will never understand.
Music is my whole life. If I give it up, I am giving up my whole life. It’s similar to how canoeing is to some of you actually. Canoeing is your life. Everything that you have got. Music is mine.
As for art, I am planning to take either Art, design and Media or social sciences in university. I am actually thinking of doing a career in the art industry. Thus, I need my portfolio and I cannot give up art. If I screw up, I have music to fall back on.
Back to canoeing. One of my most memorable races is Macritchie Regatta 2006. Only the junior team and ips were there. At first, I thought we were just there “to gain experience”, in other words, to get thrashed. Half the team had never touched a dragonboat paddle before, much less row in a dragonboat. I thought we were screwed. But I was wrong. The junior team proved me wrong. Special mention to the tertiary mixed boat. There was burning passion in the boat, you could see it in everyone’s eyes. The results were a disappointment, but you were my best crew. The best people that I have ever rowed with. We did not row as individuals. We were TEAM – NJC. The rest of the boats did really well too, which was a big surprise to me.
I really like dragonboating. In fact, I think the sport is a rather sadistic activity – you row for the pain. Every time we reach the second last buoy, I feel like giving up. The first half of the race is physical, the second half is mental. It’s like playing mind games, questioning myself who I am doing it for, what I am doing it for, and I will pull through. Every time I cross the finish line, I tell myself I never want to go through that shit ever again but the moment I reach back on shore and get my breathing in check, it’s like “I really want to do that again.”
I have learnt a lot in njcanoeing. Because of my team, I had the courage to start, and finish, running a marathon. Two years ago, completing 5km was already a big challenge for me.
Njcanoeing – a strong team. Results, yes, but also in terms of friendship, of team spirit, of sportsmanship, of attitude, determination and perseverance. You guys were an AWESOME team.
The team that I leave behind is a strong team. I know I will not play a big part in helping to win the championships next year even if I am to stay, as I know you guys can do it.
What is the point of being in the team when I cannot even train as hard as the rest?
My choice might be a mistake, I might regret, but at least I made that choice myself.
Njcanoeing - My miracle. My miracle is meeting all of you. My miracle is being in njcanoeing. I was one of the crazy few whom actually seeked out the canoeing booth and voluntarily signed my name on the sign up sheet. I never regretted it.
This journey will be one that I keep dearly, and when I am down, I will look deep within myself, and draw strength from the fact that I was once an njcanoeist.
There’s a high possibility that I will never meet such people again. People with the grit, the passion, and a whole lot of HEART.
Nj canoeing - A force to be reckoned with.
Thank you.
HEART AND SOUL, GO THE DISTANCE.
Ho Hui Jun
Njcanoeist ’05-‘06
hui jun published at 10/18/2006 09:31:00 PM
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